quotable quotes

2 notes

Santa Claus has the right idea: Visit people once a year.

8 notes

The three stages of a man’s life:
1. He believes in Santa Claus;
2. He doesn’t believe in Santa Claus;
3. He is Santa Claus.

1 note

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.

2 notes

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

0 notes

The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing.

3 notes

Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.

5 notes

I like winter because I can stay indoors without feeling guilty.

4 notes

Winter is nature’s way of saying, “Up yours.

3 notes

You’ve always made the mistake of being yourself.

0 notes

Ninety percent of everything is crap.

0 notes

I never did give anybody hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell.

2 notes

Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.

28 notes

A young doctor means a new graveyard.

1 note

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

3 notes

The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everyone and still nobody likes him.